Canadian Capers

The past weeks

2006-08-13T22:10:00.000-04:00

So I’m hoping to eventually write more on most of these items (especially my job, the move, and the choir) but for the time being…

Some of the stuff that’s been goin’ on since my last entry:

Job
I’ve been at this job for about 10 weeks now and continue to enjoy it. I like my colleagues, the work itself is interesting, inspiring and challenging. It looks like that my contract will be extended for an additional month or so, and I’m pleased about that. I’m used to the long hours at this point (though I’m still not a fan, and I feel pretty unproductive during the latter part of the day). I’m proud and humbled to be a part of this project.

Move
So we moved to a new apartment this weekend. It’s a great place in a great neighborhood. We had professional movers, which was a first for me. This turned out to be even more helpful than we originally anticipated for number of reasons, including the fact that our bed did not fit into the apartment normally (meaning, through the door) and had to go through the front window…and we live on the second floor. It was a sight to behold. The new place is spectacular. We are nearly finished unpacking.

Choir
I sang with a number of choirs during university. The director of my favorite choir (We perform sacred and secular music from the African and African-American tradition. This includes spirituals, choral symphonies, gospel, hip hop and more) recently formed an Alumni version of the group, which will rehearse and perform several times per year. The membership will shift depending on availability of the singers. This group is traveling to Europe for two weeks in October to do a series of public performances and workshops. I will be participating.

In mid-July, I traveled to State College for two rehearsals and a “warm up” performance with the choir. I hadn’t been “in” this music for quite some time, and had not seen many of the other singers since finishing university in 2000. I was nervous, but the entire weekend was incredible and surpassed my high expectations. I’ll have much more to say about this later. Amazing.

Fitness
Not so good. I’ve not been as disciplined about this over the past few months as I should have been. I’ma make a significant effort to change this in the coming weeks…gotta be in better shape for the tour…does my tuxedo even fit anymore…hmmmm.

Kittens
No, we did not get a kitten. A while back Jen’s Mum noticed that there were four orange cats hanging around their house. Long story short: She took them in, two of ‘em gave birth to three kittens each (they were pregnant before Jen’s Mum rescued them). So, for a period of several months, there were ten cats living in their basement. They were a lot of work for her, and Jen has been making regular trips to visit and help out. I went with her several times. I’d never seen kittens that young before…amazingly cute. Click here for a link to some video clips.

It was neat to watch them grow so quickly. I wasn’t able to visit as much as I would have liked due to allergy issues. I’ve always been allergic to cats, but my body reacted to the kittens ever so much more so.

At this point, four of the kittens have been adopted. Two of them remain (they’re going to go as a pair) as well as the four adult cats. If you live in the GTA and are interested…you know what to do. Seriously…they’ve had all of their shots and are all healthy. The adults have all had “the procedure” as well. There is no financial cost to you. Seriously.

Hot Weather
For the last few weeks of July and the first week of August, we had an unbroken streak of ridiculously hot weather. The humidity was near 100% during this period, so the daily high temperatures of 34-36 degrees Celsius actually felt more like 42-44 degrees Celsius. This was not fun. I imagine many of you experienced a similar hot streak. Yuck.

Poker
I participate in a few internet forums. One of them is related to poker. There are a fair number of GTA folks on the forum and we’ve started getting together about once a month to socialize and play cards. Jen’s glad that I’m out there socializing, and so am I. I wish I could say these guys (95% are men) were totally degenerate, alcoholic gamblers with few interests other than cards and booze…but they’re actually really nice people. We have a pretty good time, and the vibe is relaxed and light as we’re certainly not playing for serious money…that would take away the friendly atmosphere see.

New Sneakers
I don’t like pretty much everything associated with the experience of shopping. This is especially true for clothing. However, I recently bought a new pair of sneakers to replace the pair I’d been wearing to the gym for five years. It was a good decision…and a necessary decision.

The sneakers are vegan, fit very well and were not too expensive. Hooray.

Still Rockin'

2006-08-13T19:18:00.000-04:00

I'm currently writing an update that covers the time since my previous post. I hope to have it up soon.

Quick and Dirty: Everything has been going very well.

My New Job Rules

2006-06-27T17:26:00.000-04:00

It's great. Here are some things that I am required to do as a part of my job:

1. Research and learn about stuff that interests me.

2. Go to concerts without paying for them. Example: Next week we (myself, my co-researcher, the production coordinator and the two directors) are going to see Slayer...because the band sent us tickets.

3. Shape the direction of a film that will eventually be a part of the lives of thousands of people.

4. Communicate with metal musicians, fans and scholars around the world.

5. Drink beer and watch television whenever England is playing a World Cup game.

Nifty.

It's not all great though....the hours are long and the salary is certainly not what I was making at the University...but I'm a heck of a lot happier.

Other things that are happening:

-We're moving to a new apartment in mid-August...it's freakin' great.

-I'm going to be in Belgium for two weeks in October...doing a concert tour with a group that I used to sing with.

-Yar.

A New Job

2006-06-05T12:53:00.000-04:00

I’m very pleased to say that I was offered the job that I referenced in my previous entry. I’ve not signed the contract yet but, assuming that everything is “as advertised,” I’m on board (as they say). I sent out a mass email about this a few days ago, but in case I missed anyone, the text appears below:

“I'm starting a new job on Tuesday and I'm darn excited. I'm going to be working with a film production company here in Toronto. I'll be doing the research for an upcoming documentary film about globalization and heavy metal music. This will be the second film about heavy metal produced by this company. You can learn more about the first film (it is excellent, won a bunch of awards, hit all the major festivals, was released worldwide, etc.) here. It was just released on DVD as well...most stores should have it.

This job pretty much combines all of the academic work I've done over the past few years. Cultural Studies theory + musicology + nuanced knowledge of popular music subcultures (especially metal) + academic/popular writing. It's like I designed the prefect gig for myself…funny how life works. AND the office is in a super-cool location that is only 20 minutes from my apartment…awesome.”

I believe that the contract is for three months, and may be extended beyond that.

Biggity bam.

Numbers

2006-06-01T10:40:00.000-04:00

1. Jen and I were in the US for a few days for my fraternal Grandfather's memorial service. He died late in 2005, but the fam waited to have the service until now so more people would be able to come. It was a nice couple of days and I got to connect with extended family members that I'd not seen for many years.

2. After we returned from the states I got sick with the worst cold I've had for several years. Incredible sore throat, fatigue and one bout of nausea where I vomited (no joke) 150 times in less than 3 hours. Lovely. Good thing the nausea was only on that day. Jen caught the same cold a few days after me, so we were both in pretty bad shape for about 10 days total. We are both better now. Mostly this illness pissed me off becuase I couldn't get to the gym. Bah.

3. I have a second interview today for what could very well be the coolest job ever...I'll let you know.

Trip Report Day 4, Part 2: Arlington and D.C.

2006-05-15T18:04:00.000-04:00

So we got down to the Mall and proceeded to walk towards the Washington monument (one of the most ridiculous phallic symbols in the world…heh). Several in our group had not been to D.C. before and were really interested in checking out a bunch of the monuments. Jen had not been to D.C. either, but she was more into spending extra time at the various museums, so our group split up (I later decided that this was a good idea…its really difficult to do a walking tour of this area with a group of people unless the exact itinerary has been previously determined.)

Jen and I headed for the American History branch of the Smithsonian, which was top on her list. We spent an hour or so there. Highlights for me included a Paul Reed Smith Dragon guitar (maybe the most beautiful guitar I’ve ever seen). The best part however, was Julia Child’s kitchen…her actual kitchen. I guess her estate donated it to the museum. The display is the entire room along with all the knives, pots etc. EXACTLY as she has it set up. For a food nerd like myself, the opportunity to see perhaps the single most important kitchen in the history of the world was great. I went a bit nuts. Jen captured this on video.

We visited the Natural History museum to check out the dinos and then meandered through the sculpture garden. At this point it had started to drizzle a bit so we headed back to the Metro to go back to Arlington.

By the time we got back to the pad the skies were dark grey and it was pouring rain. We had plans to meet a good friend of mine (from my Service-Learning Coordinator days at BGSU…she now lives in the Arlington area and attends graduate school (though she is soon to relocated to the Boston-area)) and her beau for dinner at 7:00 P.M. They called and asked if we could meet a bit earlier…so we did. The arrived at the pad and came up to the room. I like H-dog a lot and whish that we were able to see each other more often. Her guy was really cool (as expected) and there was an instant rapport (which made everything more comfortable for me. I was concerned that Jen wouldn’t have a good time (since she didn’t know H-dog too well) but I shouldn’t have worried…all was well.

The plan was to drive to a place called The Lebanese Taverna, which is well known in Arlington. The business was started some years ago by a family of immigrants and they’ve now expanded to several locations as well as a catering business. H-dog had picked the place, so I figured she would know thing like…how to get there. (Let the good natured dissing begin!)

We drove for about 25 minutes (a few circles around the Arlington area) to get to a place that was five minutes away…very fast…in the pouring rain…in the dark. H-dog is really smart and a very good person, but she does not exactly drive in a manner that inspires confidence that the destination will be reached without an elevated pulse rate. But arrive we did…nifty.

We went into the place and ordered dinner. Lebanese cuisine and vegetarianism are not best friends, but we didn’t have a problem finding stuff for all to eat. The service was just okay (I’m sure it would have been more attentive had we ordered multiple bottles of wine and dishes involving expensive hunks of death). The food and conversation were excellent however. Jen was not feeling super-well when we arrived, but she raved about her food. The dressing of the salad was some sort of pomegranate-based combination that really appealed to her. Hooray.

It was nice to reconnect with H-dog and meet her beau. It’s too bad that the evening could not have been longer, but it was a great time. They dropped us off at the pad on their way to feed a friend’s cats. The rest of the evening was much like those of the previous nights, complete with game shows and beer. It would be our last night with the crew and I said my goodbyes before going to bed. I’m really glad that we got to hang for a few days…makes me nostalgic for the hot humid BG summers, sittin’ around drinking The Champagne Of, and not being too worried about “real world” lives. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Trip Report Day 4, Part 1: Arlington and D.C.

2006-05-04T17:13:00.000-04:00

This day had been set aside for doing the tourist thing in D.C. Jen had never been to D.C. before and wanted to check out some of the museums and such. The crew (minus B-dog who elected to stay behind and grade papers) headed out in the late morning. The plan was to take the D.C. Metro downtown. There was a Metro stop a few blocks from the pad…nice.

The system is pretty easy to understand in terms of getting from one place to another, but the fees for said service are f-ing complicated. In Toronto, you pay a flat rate no matter where you want to go. In D.C. the amount you pay depends on where you want to go, which seems like it would make sense economically, but it seems overly complicated to me. As it turns out, pretty much no one knows how much it costs to get to certain places. Almost everyone uses day/weekly/monthly passes, or passes that can be recharged an infinite number of times. Woo hoo.

We all bought day passes and headed to the train. The trains seem to arrive every 5-8 minutes or so, which means very long waits compared to the T-dot. Our train finally arrived and I was shocked to see that it was carpeted…weird.

It took about 15 minutes to get to our destination. We were hoping to check out the International Spy Museum, but when we arrived all the tickets for that day had already been distributed. Oh well…not a big deal. The crew looked around the gift shop for a bit while I chilled outside. This was the first day of the trip when the weather was not 100% fantastic. It was quite a bit cooler and overcast with the occasional sprinkle (oh yes, “real” rain would arrive later).

TMD wanted to check out the Chinatown area (this happened to be a block or two from where we were) to get some lunch. This was fine by all of us, so off we went. We settled on a place that specialized in fresh noodle dishes and appeared to have a few veggie options…at least according to the menu. Props to the crew for making an honest and genuine effort to make sure Jen and I could eat but…it was not to be.

The vast majority of Chinese restaurants I’ve been to do not actually have vegetarian dishes. Sure the plates might not actually have pieces of meat or fish on them, but 95% of the “mixed vegetable” dishes are cooked in something that contains meat or fish stock. I’ve been lied to many a time at restaurants (not just Chinese places, but establishments serving many types of food) about this and my trust factor is low on this issue.

Jen and I left this place and found a joint a few doors down called Kanlaya Thai Cuisine. I was initially impressed by a few things. First, the menu was clearly divided into “non-vegetarian” and “vegetarian” sections and there were an equal number of dishes I each section. I was still not totally convinced that we were cool (damn near everything Thai has some sort of fish sauce involved, even if it is just a touch), but after a few words with the staff as well as customers exiting the joint, I felt good about it.

The food and service were excellent on all counts. We were lucky to arrive just before the lunch rush (everyone in D.C. seems to start their lunch hour exactly at noon), and did not have to wait for a table. We started with the Tofu Tod appetizer, which was perfectly cooked, though the sauce could have had a bit more punch. I had the Vegetarian Pad Thai for my main (and was thrilled when the server asked if I wanted it with or without egg…not only was it veggie, but they were aware that some people might want it vegan…top shelf) and Jen had the Tofu Preow Wan, which had an excellent sauce. An excellent lunch with very reasonable prices. If you are looking for a good lunch spot in D.C., check out this place.

Next on the agenda was getting down to the Mall area to hit the museums/monuments etc. Small debate at this point about whether to walk or take the Metro a few stops. This was one of those moments when I realized that I had indeed become more of a “city-person” than I had been before moving to the T-dot. Jen and I were both up for walking (the distance was well under one mile), but the rest of the crew was against this. The felt that, hey, we’d paid for the day passes for the Metro, so let’s use it (a fair point). City folks walk…a lot…a whole lot, but hey the group said “Metro” so I went along with it.

More later.

A clarification

2006-05-02T20:07:00.000-04:00

Regarding the rant about food that appears the the previous entry...none of my comments were directed at the members of the BG crew that were at the conference...they always made an effort during the trip to make sure that everyone could eat. My rant below is more general, as it is a situation I've encountered hundreds of times.

Word.

Trip Report Day 3: Arlington

2006-05-02T14:49:00.000-04:00

Jen woke up early to catch the morning panels at the conference. I did not.

When I woke up I got some coffee from the pad’s lobby and did some reading. The weather was once again perfect…totally clear, no humidity, warm temperatures. Springtime seems to arrive in central Virginia about three or four weeks before Toronto. All of the trees have their leaves, flowers are blooming.

Jen came back a bit after noon and we headed next door to Mario’s for some lunch. I’ve spent much of the past few years studying food and the people who prepare it professionally and with that in mind, I’d like to state that the fellas at Mario’s have mad skills. Not skills like Thomas Keller mind you (though I am certain he would approve of the food they put out), but they do the dance better than just about anyone I’ve seen. The head cook that afternoon was a guy named Lefty who has been there for decades. I watched him making no less than ten complicated sandwiches at a time, each with a dozen ingredients, cooked different ways…it was unreal. During my brief stint as a chef I had a hard time keeping five different pans going at once…this guy was amazing. He was constantly adjusting everything, yelling out questions to customers to ask if they wanted such and such on their food. All the while he was also having several conversations with his staff and bantering with a regular customer in a routine that I imagine they’ve performed every day for years. I was in awe.

WE took our food outside to eat. I had a veggie sandwich (my only critique of the place: this sort of food is called a “hoagie” dammit, not that three letter word that starts with an “s”) It was full of good stuff, cooked perfectly…delicious. Even the fries were perfectly seasoned…fuck yes.

Jen was moderating a panel in the afternoon (and presenting a paper on the same panel as well), so we went over to the conference. Her paper was excellent as always. The panel was okay overall. Afterwards, everyone made plans to go get some food. Actually “making plans” is not really what happened. Some lady that B-dog knew arrived, and someone mentioned that they knew of a great BBQ place nearby. This met with loud approval from a number of people and the decision was essentially made. This new woman made the comment, “I’m sure they have salads or something for the vegetarians.”

Here come a rant (though I didn’t say this at the time)

This is a situation that happens all too often and I no longer put up with it. Her comment was problematic in so many ways…here are just a few
1. No, you were not “sure” that they would have “something” suitable for a vegetarian diet. You had never been to this place before.
2. Wouldn’t it be a good idea to ask everyone if this decision was okay instead of immediately marginalizing the opinions/choice of particular people.
3. I’m certain that if someone had said, “Well, I can only eat kosher/halal food,” they would have been accommodated and not tacitly discounted. Well guess what kids, my food choices are about as close to religion as I get. In many ways I “practice” this “religion” much more than most people do with their various “faiths.” How many “Christians” do you know that do to church twice a year and never think about their “faith” except for when they are in a bad situation and “need” something.
4. If you want to dismiss my beliefs, fine…you can fuck off.

Oh yeah, if anyone thinks that “we are always making exceptions for you, and our dining choices are determined by what you can eat,” here is a tip. Go to the fucking steakhouse when I’m not around. I don’t see you very often and you will be eating without me more times than when I am there…do you REALLY need to eat a big hunk of death at this very minute? When I am there, choose food from any of the vast number of styles of cuisine that have choices for everyone. THE VAST MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH EAT A DIET THAT IS MORE SIMILAR TO MY NEARLY-VEGAN DIET THAT YOUR MEAT EATING DIET YOU STUPID ASS. End of rant for now.

So I left and went back to the pad for some more reading and a nice shower. Later that evening the crew hung out again in much the same way that we did on the previous evening…it was awesome. Same good folks, same good times. B-dog got a pizza that was covered with sausage patties. I’ve never seen anything like it. Each slice had a patty that was about the size of a deck of cards. Maybe I’ll figure out how to post pictures on this thing so you can see it…icky.

Trip Report Day 2: State College to Arlington

2006-05-02T13:15:00.000-04:00

We were in no hurry to get on the road so Jen and I woke up around 9:30 A.M. One of my favorite parts of staying with my folks is walking upstairs each morning. The coffee is hot, there are always fresh breads of some sort, high-quality orange juice, it’s great. My Mom had already left for her day working at the school so Dad and I chatted for a bit.

Jen wanted to do some shopping before we left. The Canadian dollar is amazingly strong against the US dollar right now so we decided to take advantage…a little. There is this particular clothing store in SC that Jen likes and she’s had success finding excellent jeans there in the past…so off we went. One hour and fifteen pairs later, Jen found one pair that she wanted to buy…hooray.

Today we would be driving to Arlington, Virginia (a suburb just west of Washington D.C.) for the “Real” reason that we were on this trip in the first place. Jen was presenting a paper at the 4th annual meeting of the Cultural Studies Association. We went to their first conference in Pittsburgh (where we had an entire CMU dorm complex to ourselves including their creepy Anne Rice-ish courtyard) and Jen went to the second one in Boston. Jen had put together a panel with a few folks that we knew from the BG years.

The drive took about 3.5 hours and was uneventful. The weather was warm, sunny and clear…makes for great driving.

We pulled into our digs around 4:00 P.M…heh. The place was on one of the main streets in Arlington, near many restaurants, and it was literally 150 meters from the conference site. It was not the most…erm…high quality lodging. The website makes it look far more snazzy than it actually is. However, the price was right, it was comfortable enough (and certainly safe) and the whole gang was staying there. Biggity bam.

The crew had yet to arrive so Jen and I strolled over to register her for the conference, which was being hosted by George Mason University. I didn’t know much about GMU prior to arriving, and I didn’t learn a whole heck of a lot. There seem to be three different campuses in different cities. However, unlike many schools with “satellite” campuses, each GMU location offered totally different degrees, coursework, etc. The Arlington campus seemed to consist of two buildings…that’s it…they were nice buildings though.

We then went to a convenience store. What’s the big deal you ask…booze, that’s what. Virginia is one of those wonderful states where beer is sold in convenience stores…and the prices are next to nothing compared to Toronto. With the Champagne Of in hand, I left happy.

Jen and I went back to the pad and napped for a bit. We left messages for the crew and were about to head out when B-dog arrived. Jen and I had not seen him in nearly two years (the same for the rest of the crew) so that was nifty. We headed to “downtown” Arlington to an Indian place that had a good rep with the locals. The food was pretty good overall, but the breads stole the show. Far and away the best pappadums I’ve ever had and the nan was exceptional as well.

We stopped by a branch of that large chain of organic grocery stores to stock up on some foods for the fridge. Too many yuppies and hipsters.

By the time we got back, the rest of the crew had arrived. They went out in search of their own dinner. TMD (who arrived to discover that someone left five beers in his room fridge…bam) wanted to go out to some local booze-swilling establishments. It didn’t happen. Instead we spent the evening chilling, catching up and drinking some fine Pennsylvania beers. The Game Show Network was on the tube (another amazing thing that we do not have in Canada)…good times, especially since I don’t really like “going” places or “doing” things…the hassle you see.

I was feeling hungry so I went next door (I like going next door). That’s right…next to our pad was a pizza/sandwich/ice cream place called Mario’s that has been in business since 1957. Most of the cooks have been there for at least 25 years. They all have full health insurance, retirement, etc…fucking great. I had a few slices (very good and very cheap) and went to bed.

Trip Report Day 1: Toronto to State College

2006-05-01T13:38:00.000-04:00

Jen and I said goodbye to Maggie last night. When we travel, she stays with Jen’s folks, and generally does not miss us at all. She is content to play with the dog and cats and snack on things that she does not get at home.

We hoped to be on the road by 11:00 A.M., but things at the car rental place took a bit longer than expected. The fuckers were asking for more than what we were quoted…assholes. We left with our bright red 2006 Hundai Elantra and hit the road at about 11:30.

We crossed the border at Buffalo and it was hassle-free…whew. The drive to State College is mostly along US-219, which is a winding, often single-lane road through the backwoods of New York and Pennsylvania. The drive is always pretty, but it can be a bit frustrating when traffic is slow. We’ve done this drive so many times now that we have a pretty good routine going; Jen drives the first leg (including the border) and we switch cars in Ellicottville, a small town that doubles as a ski resort for rich people in the winter. Sometimes we switch in the next town called Salamanca. I drive for the rest of the trip which included a final one-hour push along good ol’ Route 80 in Pennsylvania. If we are running good, the trip takes five-and-a-half hours, sometimes six.

We were arriving one day before my Mother’s birthday, so there was a small celebration in the works. I really enjoy visiting with my family. We don’t have any problems…at all. It’s taken me a very long time to understand how unusual this is. We ate some delicious lasagna and chocolate mousse pie and the banter was at a high level. My sister was there for a while (she lives on campus at PSU…about a five-minute drive away), and my brother stopped by later.

Jen and I sleep in the basement, rather than the upstairs guest-room. I guess this is kind of strange because that room was my bedroom when I was a kid. Thing is, my Grandfather stayed there for the last few years of his life and it still kind of feels like his place to me.

We went to bed around 1:00 A.M.

Updates on the way...really

2006-04-26T21:14:00.000-04:00

Just got back from a week-long excursion...detailed reports to follow. I'm not sure if it was technically a "vacation," but it sure was a good time. Jen gave a paper at a conference, we ate all sorts of delicious things, chilled with some BG homies, found some super cool towns, and hung out with pot-bellied pigs...good stuff.

Difficulty sleeping

2006-04-06T17:54:00.000-04:00

Last night I didn't sleep at all. For the previous two evenings, I slept about half as much as I normally do. Yuck. I hope this pattern does not continue. I'm generally more sensitive to changes in my sleep habits than most people (I think), so this problem is darn annoying.

J-Mu's theory is that I should avoid working on the computer, reading complicated books, playing games, etc., for the final few hours before I go to bed. I'll be trying that for sure...hope it works.

Fingers crossed that I rest well this evening...thanks for your positive thoughts.

Freakin' errors

2006-04-05T00:56:00.000-04:00

So I wrote a giant post last night about everything that has been going on in my life for the past few weeks. When I clicked on the "publish post" icon, I received an error message...and everything I'd written was lost (I'm writing in Word from now on, darn tootin').

ANYWAY, a more complete update will becoming soon...but...for now...

Short/preliminary update: my trainer at the gym is kicking my ass, but I am becoming more strong and more fit, and feel very good about it. J-Mu has her diss. committe together and it is stacked with famous/influential/superior scholars (they are all very enthusiastic about her work and are convinced that she will make a major contribution to the field!!)...she is excited and I am as well. I am making a play to be a "personality" on MTV Canada (heh), and currently have a slightly-embarassing interest in the program called "Laguna Beach," (it just stared airing hre see..).

Finally, you should check out J-Mu's new web home at www.myspace.com/jennifer_c_m and read her blog, look at the pictures (hee hee), write comments, etc.

AIYWBTBTR
WTCANTFW

Singin' and Votin'

2006-03-21T17:29:00.000-05:00

I watch that show where the people sing and the three-person panel coments on them and viewers vote to determine who gets to come back for another week (the USA version...I've yet to see the Canadian version though it has been on for several seasons).

J-Mu hipped me to this cool site that promotes the idea of voting for the "worst" person in order to keep him/her on as long as possible. Not sure how much of a "resistance" this is, but I think is neat.

I'ma do it...if they accept votes from us folks up here.

Why I Left My Job

2006-03-20T18:39:00.000-05:00

I’ve been meaning to get around to talking about leaving my job. Two reasons for difficulty in doing this:

-I am a bit weary of thinking about it. I’ve written so many documents about this (for my employer, for my personal records, etc.) that telling the story AGAIN is tough.

-Furthermore, a number of “official” organizations who know about such things (provincial and otherwise) have strongly encouraged me to agree to allow them to open an official case/inquiry against my employer because of the way I was treated. Each of these organizations (I’m not comfortable saying who they are) feel I would be awarded a substantial sum of money by my employer. As these organizations have nothing to gain financially from opening my case, I am more inclined to believe that they are telling the truth, rather than if I had been approached by an independent lawyer or something. I don’t know if this is something I want to do…for a number of complicated reasons…

ANYWAY…so why did I leave my job?

The short version (and it sure is difficult for me to be brief about anything, let alone this…so it’s not so short, though much more than it could be): The decision to leave my job was not an easy one. I thought about it for several months before making the decision. The primary reason I left was because of the way I was treated by my immediate supervisor, a person that I worked closely with on a daily basis. Over a period of many months I was treated unprofessionally by him/her in a wide variety of ways (too many to list now). I’ve since learned that some of this treatment legally qualifies as harassment. (I suspected this was the case. I’m not comfortable giving details about the nature of the harassment on this blog) Despite my repeated requests for this treatment to stop, it did not.

Furthermore, I was asked to perform professionally unethical acts on multiple occasions. I was asked to change the content of documents that had been ratified by official governing bodies without telling anyone. I was asked to change to content of minutes of meetings (including deleting pages of discussion) in order “to protect” senior officials in the office. When I voiced my concern about these acts, I was explicitly and implicitly threatened regarding my career if I did not comply. (In spite of this, I’m proud to say that I did not perform these unethical acts)

I approached my supervisor on a number of occasions over many months about my concerns. During each occasion my supervisor indicated that s/he not only wanted to change his/her negative behaviors, but that I should make sure to indicate to him/her “in the moment” when these things were happening. Without exception, each time I followed this direction I was harshly rebuked for doing so and told that the behavior was perfectly acceptable.

After having both formal and informal discussions with the HR representative in my area, it became clear to me that I had very little opportunity for recourse. Unlike many of the other employees at the institution, my area was not unionized. Also, because of the close relationship my supervisor had with senior officials, I strongly doubted that my concerns would “really” be addressed properly.

During this period my mental and physical health deteriorated. I became very depressed. My concerns about my job occupied my thoughts even during leisure time. Every day I came home with the unprofessional/unethical/harassing behavior(s) of the day on my mind…I found it difficult to talk about anything else, much less relax. I was not fun to be around. I was overeating and drinking alcohol more frequently. I gained weight, which exacerbated my depression.

At the request of my GP, I underwent a series of tests (including EKGs and ultrasounds) in an attempt to determine (a) why I was having substantial pain and tightness in my chest (b) why my heartbeat had become erratic. When one of my doctors strongly suggested that I leave my job (something that I was close to doing at that point anyway), I knew that a change needed to be made.

My last day at that job was just over one month ago. I am feeling much better both physically and mentally. I am meeting with a trainer at the gym later this week to put together a new exercise plan. It was difficult for me to ask for help with that, and I’m proud of myself for doing it. I’m viewing eating/exercising/living/being better as my job for the time being, though I am aggressively applying for new positions. I am eligible for Employment Insurance because I’d been paying into it. The money I receive from that actually more than covers my monthly expenses (since I buy little more than food, rent and entertainment and have no debt) which is great. I am very excited to have this opportunity to devote a substantial amount of time to my health.

Again, I have loads more to say about all of this…maybe later. Just know that I’m thrilled to have left my previous job, and am excited about the opportunities that I have at present to live a more positive, healthful, reduced-negative-stress life.

Awwwwwwwwwww yeah!

Hot off the press

2006-03-19T16:16:00.000-05:00

From USA Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld's guest column in The Washington Post:

"Turning our backs on postwar Iraq today would be the modern equivalent of handing postwar Germany back to the Nazis."

From Matthew's blog Canadian Capers:

"Bollocks."

Regarding my "important" music posts

2006-03-19T15:13:00.000-05:00

As SmokeyB wrote in a comment to a previous post, "since when do critics know anything?" Yeah, I didn't mean to imply that I had some sort of rock-solid faith in the accuracy of the views of mainstream (or otherwise) music critics. Heck, most of the stuff I like is dissed by 99.999999% of everyone (even those in my "scene"), ESPECIALLY music critics. (I can only imagine the smirks as I stand in line to go to the...ahem...Dragonforce show in April. They call their music "extreme power metal." Think Rhapsody (if you are familiar with them) but ever so much more so.

However...I AM interested in hearing records that receive widespread critical acclaim so I can play the "why was this chosen game." Were the reviews based on editorial pressure, payola, street teams, the nature of the self-feeding music critic scene, etc. An intellectual exercise for sure, but there is more to it for me than simply making sure I am up-to-date on trivia so I can sound smart amongst my peers... I've found that I sometimes really like the stuff as well. There is a certain pleasure I get from finding a record I actually like that was also a huge critical success. This is quite rare. Even more rare is when those two elements are augmented by massive sales.

All of these factors do not mean that these records are any "better" than others...it's just kinda neat when these things merge.

As to SmokeyB's question about copyright...perhaps an extended discussion of that later. For now, I'll say this...I bought the Green Day disc at alocal record shop. It is one of four (or so) CD's that I've bought for myself in the past two years. Take that as you will.

Eatin'

2006-03-17T01:03:00.000-05:00

We're having a dinner party for a few of Jen’s colleagues Friday evening. I’m looking forward to it.

The menu from Chef Ascah (sorry for the spelling errors):

-Portabella mushrooms caps stuffed with spinach, feta, and a shallot/garlic/white wine reduction.

-Salad of frisee, arugala, and red leaf lettuce with almond, avocado, orange, red onion and fresh orange juice vinaigrette.

-Bread

-Kamut noodles with a basil, pine nut, garlic and sheep’s milk sauce.

-Dessert (to be provided by one of the guests)

Should be good times…if I can sleep well this evening…send some positive thoughts my way for that…I had a nap this afternoon and thus am not as sleepy as usual...indeed.

B-ball Day #1

2006-03-17T00:49:00.000-05:00

After the first day of games my record for picking the winners is 75%. 16 games and I picked 12 winners...I think.

Next on the list of "important" things I've not heard

2006-03-16T17:54:00.000-05:00

American Idiot by Green Day

I know, I know, I know. It came out forever ago, is an anti-war “punk rock opera”, is on all the top 10 lists, won every award in sight, etc…but I hadn’t heard the whole thing until today. I’d enjoyed the first few singles (especially the title track), but it wasn’t until I heard “Jesus of Suburbia” a few weeks ago that I decided to seek out the complete CD.

It IS really good.

I have a few academic-ish/cultural studies things to say about it, but I’ma look around a bit to see if other people have already started the conversations that I’d like to start…yup.

After a few listens...

2006-03-16T16:35:00.000-05:00

I don't dig Rites of Spring (I've listened to nearly all of their "official" recorded material a few times now). If they guys in the band were my friends and I went to their shows with other friends, it might be a differnet story. It sounds very time/era-specific. If I had been aware of them then I might have liked it, and prob. still would.

I listened to the Diary CD by Sunny Day Real Estate a few times. Overall...not my thing...but I think the song "In Circles" is excellent...I'll be playing that one for a while. It's always odd to listen to a band for the first time after already being familiar with a lot of bands that they influenced. Yup.

Another part of my listening experiemnt is digging up "important" music that I've never heard. In this case, "important" means:

-CDs/Bands that the vast majority of popular music critics seem to love/have loved.

-CDs/Bands that are important to my friends/family or have been a part of important periods of their lives.

Loveless by My Bloody Valentine (critics love it)- I'm having trouble with this one. It's very far away from my general taste, and very far away from my current headspace/mood as well. Mayeb I'll try again in a few days

Tunes

2006-03-16T13:07:00.000-05:00

Over the last few years I’ve not been listening to a whole lot of “unfamiliar” music. I’ve hardly kept up with the genres that generally interest me either. The convergence of two events have resulted in a change to this pattern:

-More time at a computer that is not monitored by a scary IT department.

-The discovery of Limewire.

Jen found Limewire a few months ago. I’m sure that most of y’all have heard of and/or been using it for a long time, but I’m new to the game and am thrilled. It’s almost as good as Napster was in the beginning. Fast downloads of audio and video, no problems (yet…fingers crossed) with any unwanted junk, and great availability of material. Awesome.

I’m pretty up to date on stuff I that I generally like now (proggish metal, Wu-tang, etc.) so now I’m looking into a few “important” areas that I’ve overlooked in the past. I read “Nothing Feels Good” by that guy from SPIN a while back, so now I’m checking out a lot of the “classic” bands of the emo-ish genres discussed in that book like Rites of Spring, Sunny Day Real Estate, Jawbreaker, etc. I’m going in with my mind as open as possible…I’ll let you know the results.

Selections made

2006-03-13T14:56:00.000-05:00

My B-ball selections were based on a preference for:

-Schools that I and/or my friends attend(ed)
-Schools that employ(ed) my family members
-Schools in the state of Pennsylvania
-Schools that are not service academies or Oral Roberts

and finally

-Schools that have teams that are deemed to be pretty good by the sports-related websites I was able to scan in the few minutes that I devoted to this process eariler today.

I am going to win.

Ballin'

2006-03-13T11:20:00.000-05:00

My knowledge of NCAA basketball is almost nil. I'm not a big sports guy in general, but I am aware of the phenomenon called "March Madness." For those of you outside of the USA, this is the championship tournament for basketball teams from US-American colleges and universities. 64 teams play in a single-elimination format until a single winner is determined. This happens in March see.

Lots of people get together with their friends, colleagues, etc., in order to form March Madness "pools." Each person fills out a bracket with their picks for the winners for each and every game. As I understand it, when all is said and done, the person in the pool who created the most accurate list of winners receives some sort of prize. Some pools involve people submitting money, gift certificates, children, whatever. The legality of this is marginal.

ANYWAY, I am now in one of these pool thanks to an invite from my man Mario. I am going to win. The stakes are high (five US bones a person). I am going to win. I have no idea how many people are involved. I am going to win. How will I pick my teams you ask...hmmmm.

I'm not sure that I've ever won a pool for anything, ever. Now is the time.

The Rising

2006-03-01T22:00:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, I know, I should post more often.

Life is great right now. I feel so different than I did a few weeks ago...I feel like the "self" that I know and love and appreciate is back. Hooray. (And you know that when J-Mu comments on this that it is for real).

I'll be posting/writing/publishing about the events in my professional life over the past year in the coming weeks. I have a lot to say and there is much to be heard.

I've not felt this good in a long time. Yar!

Yesssssssssssssssssssssss

2006-02-04T01:41:00.000-05:00

Yesterday (Friday the 3rd) I gave notice at my job. It is an incredible feeling...a good sort of incredible. I have so much to say about this as well as what I learned while I was there...so much. I'm not sure what forum I'll use yet...we'll see. My last day there will be the 17th. Biggity bam.

2006-01-17T15:47:00.000-05:00

I don't like my job anymore.

I don't want to go anymore.

If things don't get better by...soon...then I'ma resign...whether I have a new job or not.

Ya heard?

You all would not believe the ridic stuff that is going on here. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.

2005-11-30T15:39:00.000-05:00

The plant in my office is great. Jen got it for me. It has grown a lot in the past few months.

2005-11-29T13:54:00.000-05:00

Why Do We Work So Hard To Get What We Don't Even Want

2005-11-28T10:30:00.000-05:00

The sun was out earlier...lots of clouds now.

I have a case of The Mondays.

Poop.

2005-11-28T10:03:00.000-05:00

I need to get moving on my 2005 holiday letter. Yup.

Woot Woot

2005-10-01T21:20:00.000-04:00

PSU 5-0

2005-09-27T09:28:00.000-04:00

Actually feels like Autumn now...

Over the weekend I made the best French Onion Soup ever. I made the veg stock on Saturday (a variety of mushrooms was the key to a rich flavour) and the actual soup on Sunday. Combined with fresh bread croutons, aged Guyere cheese and the crisp air...all-time. It was some of the best food I've ever eaten...I couldn't believe I actually cooked it...fuck yeah! I was so over the moon about this that Jen actually shot a short video of me in my dazed/thrilled state. So to all you "it can't be a good onion soup unless it has beef and/or chicken and/or veal stock" naysayers....hahahahahahahahahaha, try a bowl of this you ruffians! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

2005-09-22T14:43:00.000-04:00

I need some more stuff to put on the walls of my office...color would be good.

About Survivor...Jen and I are long-time viewers...but I feel like this season may be lame...the formula is worn out, they continue to select similar "types" of contestants...not enough new elements to hold my interest...but I'ma give it a chance for a few more weeks (though we'll be a'tapin' it this evening).

I really hope that I sleep well this evening...feelin' a bit tired and scattered at the moment...perhaps a brisk run will do the trick...yar!

Toughies

2005-09-22T09:43:00.000-04:00

When we were younger, my brother used to do this thing called a "toughie." He would strain all of the muscles in his body and kind of walk like a zombie. The result is that his face would turn red, then purple, and everyone would laugh hysterically. I wish I had pictures.

The above story popped into my head when I was thinking about the tough/difficult/stressful day I had at work yesterday. It was not fun.

Jen will be attending a "going away" celebration for one of her colleagues this evening, so Maggie and I will be holding down the apartment. Perhaps two beers for me (my new (self-imposed) limit) and a Greenie for Maggie. We are some wild and crazy folk!! We may even watch a DVD....oh snap!

COLLEGE!!!

2005-09-17T01:00:00.000-04:00

I love Jennifer and Maggie more than I can say.

2005-09-15T11:51:00.000-04:00

The answer is Hai Ren.

2005-09-15T10:29:00.000-04:00

A typical day for me (I’m thinking of providing a more detailed discussion of the following items later):

6:45 Alarm goes off. I set out my clothes, work bag and gym bag the night before
Drink half of a cup of coffee and some water

7:15 Arrive at the bus stop (just across the street from the apartment) for a five-minute ride
to the subway

7:25 Get on the train going east. I’m able to get a seat 50% of the time. It is crowded.

7:45 Get on the train going north. I’m always able to get a seat. I eat my protein bar
breakfast here

8:15 Get on the bus to the university

8:30 Arrive at the campus and walk to my office

8:37 Enter my office Switch on the computer and get water and coffee

8:45 Work (I’ll expand on exactly what this entails later)

4:27 Exit my office and hurry to catch the “express” bus

5:35 Arrive at the subway and go one stop east

5:45 Exit the subway and walk a few blocks to the gym

6:00 Exercise

7:00 Walk to the bus stop to catch the 7:04 bus

7:10 Arrive home

7:30 Shower and make something to eat unless Maggie needs to go out…that comes
first

8:00 Hang with Jen, watch TV, do whatever

10:30 Prep clothes, bags, food, etc. for the next day

11:00 Read in bed (if not too tired)

11:45 Lights out

Oh yeah...

2005-09-15T10:23:00.000-04:00

I forgot something on the list of things I like. "A Prairie Home Companion" is always great. I even listen to archived programs from years ago...excellent.

2005-09-15T00:17:00.000-04:00

Won some more money at poker tonite...I don't care at all.

I have to be back on the bus to go to work in less than seven hours...not as much rest as I'd like. BUT, I am so fortunate to have someone as wonderful as Jen to snuggle with each night...holding her and being held by her is better than any amount of sleep. Maggie sleeps at the end of the bed.

Didn't go to the gym after work today...lazy. Used the weather (it was raining) as an excuse, but really I just wasn't motivated enough...poop...maybe tomorrow. I did run for nearly five miles yesterday, which is pretty good for an asthmatic in humid weather.

No big plans for this weekend (it seems that people who work in office environments start talking about weekend plans on Wednesday afternoon).

As I said to Els in an email earlier this evening, I'm not terribly depressed or anything...it's just that this is not what I though my "professional" life was going to be like. There is still time to change, and I'm thankful for that. This Jensen stuff is really inspiring a lot of thoughts. Right now I'm reading "Listening to the Land" and it is very powerful.

I wish I could have been there for Guth's Bad (bad bad bad) movie night...perhaps another time.

2005-09-14T11:22:00.000-04:00

Good run yesteday, good night's rest as well. Interesting stuff to work on at the moment. Still have not had a chance to pick up the new Opeth CD...this weekend for sure. I'll be going to their performance next month...great stuff.

Runnin'

2005-09-13T14:36:00.000-04:00

I'm going to the gym for a run after work. I like to watch the Food Network while I'm on the treadmill...yupper.

My salad was delicious as anticipated.

It is very hot and humid today. Tommorrow we are meant to have rain.

Identify the source of this quote: "There will be a pie...It will be apple."

2005-09-13T11:24:00.000-04:00

I've lived in Toronto for a little over a year now. I have a job for at least another few years. My family is physically healthy. Jen is making good progress on her degree. However, I feel like many parts of my life are really lacking.

1. I have not made any friends...literally. On the weekends I hang out with Jen and Maggie. Though Jen I've made the casual acquaintence of a few people, but no one that I'm close to and no one that has ever wanted to hang out, go have a beer...nothing. If I was in some sort of trouble, or just needed someone to talk to, I don't think there is a single person in this city of nearly three million people that I would feel comfortable going to. This is a sad thing. I felt like I was beginning to get along well with some of the crazy kids from the LCBO, but then I got me new job and have not seen them (save for the bad-ass S-dog who I first met in Ohio). I love Jen and Maggie a lot, but I think that everyone needs friends outside of their family. For a person who is used to having alot of like-minded/interesting folk around (one of the biggest advantages of being in school IMHO), this is a terrible set of circumstances. I am very lonely much of the time. This is not fair to Jen and Maggie...they deserve to have a happy M-dog around darn it!

2. I don't really like stuff. I would like to enjoy more things. Here is what I like in no particular order:
-Running
-Spending time with Jen and Maggie
-Eating
-Drinking
-Getting deals on things
-Sleeping well
-NOW magazine on Thursdays
-That new Prison Break show
-Visiting my family in State College
-Daydreaming

3. I am afraid to set any long-term goals and am afraid to want pretty much anything for fear that they will not happen. In fact, I pretty much doubt my ability to succeed at anything that I actually want to do. For example, I've been doing obscenely well at poker over the last few months, but I just don't care. I don't enjoy it. I think I'm going to enjoy it, but once I actually start...nope.

I'm going to eat some lunch now. Then I may play one of the 24,000 games I'm addicted to on ebaums world.

Toxins and such

2005-09-13T10:53:00.000-04:00

I've decided that the ADD-related drugs I take are not really helping and I'm going to go off of them...don't worry not all at once you crazy kids...sloooowly. I don't feel like explaining why right now.

The new season of survivor starts on Thursday...biggity bam.

I have a nifty salad for part of my lunch. It has organic greens, cashews, dried black currants, carrots and other good stuff.

WTCANTFW

2005-09-13T10:45:00.000-04:00

Here I am. Things are pretty good. Work is okay. Huge poker winnings as of late. Reading Derrick Jensen makes me think about making big changes in my life.

I kind of don't like my job so much. Really what I don't like is the commute.

I was going to join this one community choir but there were not so good so I didn't.

We went to the Toronto Vegetarian festival last week...it was good...lots of free vittles.

Maggie and Jen are well.

We can now get Sammy Smith's Oatmeal stout in Canada which is nice.

I've been running more but it makes my tonails hurt.

We went to a PSU football game two weeks ago...Jen had never been see. This was preceeded by a three-hour detention at the border in a room full of people with no chairs. I hate those fuckers. Chairs.

RHWR!

Comin' back

2005-06-03T00:38:00.000-04:00

Really I am...soon.

Everything is going super well...better than it has in years; New job starting next week, everyone is healthy, delicious food to eat, great stuff to read and listen to.

Yesssssssssssssssssssss!

2005-03-22T23:06:00.000-05:00

Right, so I know I've not updated in forever (which means that the fact that Seattle S-dog is "up to date" really means that she is two weeks behind...though I appreciate the effort more than I can say, and I'm terribly sorry that the flight plans willl most likely not work out).

Quickly:

-I was #2 for the job I really wanted...yuck. Second time that's happened (twos, twos and more twos)

-I have a 3rd interview (yeah, I've never heard of that either) for a job that I would like to have, but the date is not until April 7th...geeeez.

-The temp job that I have right now...they might ask me to do something longer than a few weeks...I'm not sure how I feel about that. Not sure what to do.

-And for The "M.D.B." Slobberbone Fan...I hear you man...I miss those times as well, and sometimes wish we could go back. I know you'll have that feeling again.

2005-03-06T16:52:00.000-05:00

So in addition to working full-time last week, I had two job interviews for positions that I would really like to have. I have 2nd interviews for both of them on Monday...how about that! One is in the morning before work, the other in the late-evening. Crazy. Keep your fingers crossed.

The temp job that I'm doing full-time right now is actually pretty okay. The people are nice, the work is not difficult and the money is good.

H-dog...hooray for you! What are the details?

2005-03-02T20:46:00.000-05:00

Good lord this week is crazy. I started a full-time temp position (it's actually pretty neat) but I've also had one job interview and got a call for another one that will take place tomorrow. Both of them are excellent, fantastic positions and I would be glad to have either. And then a friend from the US is coming to stay overnight on his way to a conference tomorrow. And then I have a full day of work on Friday and curry work after. Whew....it's nuts I tell you.

2005-02-24T15:58:00.000-05:00

Lots of stuff to talk about...no time for length right now. Short version:

1. Been doing a lot of research for my upcoming interview...I'm very well prepared now and am confident about my skills and ability to do the job well. We'll see how the interview goes.

2. Hooray for Canada opting out of the US missile bullshit.

3. On Tuesday, Maggie and I were attacked by a large pit bull. We were not seriously physically hurt and are both physically fine. Maggie is mentally fine as well. I was pretty shaken up by it, but am doing betterl now. I believe the pit bull thought it was playing. It had its jaws around Maggie twice and me once but did no real damage...had it wanted to hurt us, Maggie would be dead and I would be seriously injured. A full report for you all will come later. We're fine...don't worry!

2005-02-21T08:31:00.000-05:00

It snowed a lot last night. Maggie likes to run in the snow. I didn't sleep well...blech.

Friday was nuts. My temp thing was mind numbing. The curry joint was busy and delicious. The social event...I was barely awake.

I had never worked in a corporate office environment before. It was the real estate division of a large bank. They buy and sell properties worth hundreds of millions. Everyone had a blackberry thingy. No one seemed very happy. The office was swank with lots of marble and stuff. Yup.

2005-02-21T01:49:00.000-05:00

R.I.P. H.S.T.

2005-02-17T19:03:00.000-05:00

And then sometimes you never really know what you are going to get.

I didn’t sleep well last night, maybe two hours at the most, so I was really tired today. I was trying to nap around 11:00 A.M. when my temp agency called asking if I could do a one-day thing on Friday. “Sure,” I said. It’s going to make for a hell of a busy day since I have to work at this office from 8:30 to 5:00 and then hustle on over to The Curryer for my 6-9 shift.

THEN the temp people called in the afternoon and asked if I was interested in a long-term job. Some sort of investment banking firm needed a full-time person to put together power point presentations at $20/hour. I’d start on a temporary basis, and if they thought I “was a good fit,” then the job would be permanent. I told them I’d think about it…didn’t take long for me to realize that there is no way I could (a) work in capitalism central (b) deal with the incredibly stressful environment of being around brokers all day (c) spend my all of my days putting together formulaic presentations designed to help rich people get richer. So I turned it down.

THEN I got a call from a place where I applied for a job a few weeks ago and I have an interview on March 1st! I’m not going to say what the job is (in these days of google and whatnot), but I would be VERY pleased to have the position. I would enjoy the work, the environment, etc. The salary is not super great, but it’s enough.

All of this in the span of a few hours after a long dry spell…what’s especially crazy is that I had a conversation with my father last night about how, when he was my age, he didn’t have any offers for a long time and then got three all at once…crazy.

So wish me luck as I get up early and head off on the TTC to do some office work downtown, and then backtrack to be around some great East Indian cooking…supposed to go to a social event after that…hopefully I’ll be awake.

2005-02-14T22:03:00.000-05:00

The interview went well. The people liked me and agreed to take me as a client. It seems that this particular temp agency is much smaller than your Manpower’s and what not—I believe they use the word “boutique”--and I’m pretty psyched about that. More personal attention, better placements, etc. So we’ll see what shakes out.

I’m also now in touch with some folks from around the city who may be able to help in my job search. I’d rather not say who they are, but a few of ‘em are well-known academics. Cool.

Met two of Jen’s friends from undergrad on Saturday. They are now married and live about one hour away form Toronto. We had a nice time at our place and then an excellent dinner at a restaurant on Bloor.

Yesterday we had lunch with Fiona and Issac at “Fresh.” Excellent veggie stuff and Jen had maybe the best raspberry lemonade ever. Tried an organic beer for the first time. It’s brewed by a company here in the city…not bad.

More later…

2005-02-09T23:12:00.000-05:00

So I have an interview with a temp agency tomorrow morning. They recently placed a friend and fellow BGSU POPC grad in a cool full-time job at $18/hour, which would be fine by me at this point...AND, my snazzy suit fits once more due to my weight loss...damn I look...erm...professional. I own one suit but TWO tuxedos...from my former life as a hoity-toity musician you see

Had my first really rough day in a long time on Tuesday. I think I'll write a lengthy description later, but I had a pretty bad metal freak out. My regular appointment with my shrink was today (thankfully) and she had some helpful things to say so I'm hoping that it won't happen again.

Thanks for the b-day wishes from everyone! They meant a lot to me.

I'm sorry that a PA team didn't win the Super Bowl.

Jen and I are having dinner on Saturday and Sunday with two different groups of friends...that will be nice. After lots of sun and warm temperatures last week, this week is cold and snowy.

Maggie is going to the groomers on Monday and I think she'll be happy after the fact. She is getting annoyed with the length of her fur, but she HATES going to the groomers.

So, wish me luck tomorrow...biggity bam.

And another thing...

2005-02-05T02:51:00.000-05:00

H-Dog aka heathereileen...let me know when you are available for a phone conversation...biggity bam! I can call you to save the crazy cell phone bills.

Awake

2005-02-05T02:49:00.000-05:00

Awake at 2:36 A.M....blah. Had my first night at the Curryer and I enjoyed it. Made some money, heard some witty banter, ate some nice food...what more could a guy ask for? I'm not used to that sort of work in the evenings...thus the fact that I'm still awake.

Jen and I watched Ray last night. Great stuff. Aside from the virtuosic performance from Jamie Foxx--which was stunning for sure--I also enjoyed the film as a whole very much. You should watch it.

On an entirely different note, the film I enjoyed most during 2004 was Napoleon Dynamite. If you and I have met (and yes, this is a comment on the people I know) and you rent this film and do not like it, I would be willing to discuss paying the rental fee...I liked it that much and think you will as well!

Finally, on Saturday evening (Feb. 5) there will be an informal gathering at Bryden's pub at 2455 Bloor St. West (TTC = Jane station on the Bloor line, then walk one block west on the south side of the street), in celebration of my impending big 2-7 on Sunday the 6th. Any and all are welcome...none are expected! We would have tried to hang out on the "real" day but football got in the way this year. We'll be there around 8:30 or 9:00...stop in for a drink...or to buy me one...yar!

Actually feeling a bit tired now...to bed I go.

Grateful

2005-02-02T20:15:00.000-05:00

The past week or so has been great. Really great. Like, the best "great" I've had in a long time. I find myself thinking a few times each day, "I feel great. I'm not too anxious. I'm excited about the future. I have a list of things to do and can actually go about getting those things accomplished. I'll prob. get most of the stuff done (in oder of importance) and if a few things are left unfinished, that's okay and I'm not going to freak out." This is a tremendous change for me as many of you know. And here is the best part...I'm not worried about all of this being a temporary thing and suddenly changing to me being super sad, bored, upset etc. I mean, that may happen, but those thought take up just about none of my mental energy.

I think this feeling is a combination of a number of things. The ability to concentrate when I need to is great. The fact that we've had sunshine for about 5 straight days helps. But I think what is most important is that I know that I'm doing things to help myself, to heal myself, to live a life that I want, to make my life into something that helps both myself and everyone else. Just taking the initiative was a big thing for me (finding a new shrink, trying the meds, finding someone to help me with lifelong healthful eating). Look, I've asked for some of this sort of help before, and I often ask for help in small ways, but I had to take a hard look at myself and say, "Look Matthew, you are not happy and you're not really doing much to change that for the short term or long term. Clearly you need the advice/cousel/help/assistance of some folks with a lot of experience with this shit." Awesome.

And I'm starting to see results! I feel better of course (see above) and I've dropped 10 pounds. Amazing what keeping a constant blood sugar level and easing of processed foods and booze will do. Next step is some full-time freakin' employment. Got some part time things set to go, but full-time is needed. I've been making some good contacts and hope that one of them will result in something. At the very least I'm talking with some cool, smart and interesting people...you never know.

Hey K-dog thanks for the message!

2005-02-02T16:12:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to watch G.W.'s state of the union tonite. It will only make me angry and I'll scream and stuff. I'll read the transcript later. Yup.

2005-02-01T10:39:00.000-05:00

Right, will I ever get better about this updating shit…maybe.

Feelin’ good. Sunshine and the temperature is above freezing!

Had a nice time last Friday at the shindig (grad students in Jen’s program…party sponsored by the profs. = lots of good food and beverages.) I really enjoyed meeting all of the people that I’ve heard so much about. Some of the profs. had ideas about job search stuff for me and gave me some people to contact…nice. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Some highlights:

-The fact that the host of the party kept her husband locked in his office in the basement the entire time. Okay, well maybe he wanted to be there, but it was still a bit fucking unusual.

-One of Jen’s colleagues has a partner who is a pretty experienced chef. We talked for about an hour about the crazy shit he has seen. He was a private chef for some rich family for three years and could spend pretty much whatever he wanted. Unreal stuff. As you know, I enjoy talking about high-concept cooking. This guy is currently fielding offers to open his own place but he’s not sure that any of the investors know what it takes to maintain a successful place i.e. lots of money.

-Being surrounded by a whole bunch of smart people for the first time in a long while.

I feel good about the meds now. I’ve learned what sort of dose I need, when to take ‘em etc. and they do help me for sure. Hooray. My nutrition shit continues to go well.

Sent my info to a temp agency, maybe I can do that for a while. Doin’ some stuff with The Curryer this weekend…should be a good time.

H-dog, I can call whenever or you can call me. Fifi, how long did you originally sign up for…6 months or one year? Will you be adding another 6 months?

2005-01-26T22:38:00.000-05:00

Arrrrrrrgh...lazy with the updates...sorry...try to do better...perhaps tomorrow!

2005-01-22T17:45:00.000-05:00

Well this weather certainly is something. Tonite we’ll have loads of new snow and a wind chill of –35 to –45 C. Great. It makes taking Maggie for a walk an adventure.

I don’t follow the NFL, but I would like to see an all-Pennsylvania Super Bowl…oh the riots that would happen in State College regardless of the outcome. Bam.

Updates and Readings

2005-01-18T12:30:00.000-05:00

So I’m one week in to the new eating patterns and a few weeks in to the new booze patterns. I’m pleased to report that everything is proceeding as planned. I feel good, my weight is dropping and I’ve been very disciplined about the process thus far. I have a meeting with nutro lady today and I hope she will be pleased as well.

Jen’s folks are taking their first holiday in years (they are going somewhere warm for a week) so she and I will be spending a good bit of time in Brampton to look after the animals (one dog and seven cats at the last count). Maggie will like the animal companionship for sure. She has been super bored lately.

In case anyone is interested, here are the books I’ve read about depression and ADD in the past week. Some were helpful, others not so much. I went in with a few questions to answer for myself:

1. What exactly is ADD according to the medical community? Does this fit with my feelings/symptoms etc.
2. What are the major debates about whether ADD is a biological and/or social condition? (i.e. Does ADD “exist”) Who are the key people in this debate in North America?
3. What are the benefits/risks of my new meds?
4. What can I expect in the long-term?

It’s interesting that many of the major players are associated with Harvard, either as former medical students or professors. Their faculty meetings must be a blast since people who are diametrically opposed to each other about ADD work in the same department. Har. Also, much of the research is about children and there is very little info specifically about adult ADD.

-The New Antidepressants and Antianxieties by William S. Appleton

A general overview of (mostly) antidepressant meds from a doctor who prescribes them, but is very careful and thorough with his patients before doing so. A good general resource.

-Your Drug May Be Your Problem: How and why to stop taking psychiatric medications by Peter R. Breggin and David Cohen

Breggin is a big figure in the “ADD does not exist” category. I appreciate his discussion of how ADD-meds alter the brain, but I don’t buy his rational for not taking them. He essentially believes that “the more we suffer, the more we are alive” (sorry about not having a page number for this). This may be true for him and for other folks, but for me, my “suffering” is keeping me from doing things that I want to do, from me being “alive” in the way that I want. Breggin believes that lifestyle changes fix the symptoms that people call ADD. The suffering leads you to not only wanting to change your life, but actually following through. I see two big problems with this argument:

First of all, he assumes that people have the opportunity to change their lives in the ways he suggests. Switching jobs, moving to a new city, etc…these things are simply not possible for many people. He uses an example of a child who was diagnosed with ADD as a public school student and given meds…his parents didn’t like the kid being on meds, so they sent his to a private school where he had an personalized curriculum and hours of individual instruction per day…if only all parents had the resources to do such things. I am in the fortunate position right now where I am able to make lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, employment, etc.) but my success in these areas depends on being able to follow through with making the changes. This leads me to my second critique.

One of the biggest problems for people with ADD symptoms is the inability to follow through. We often have great (even revolutionary and brilliant) ideas, but we go from one to the next so quickly that few ever get acted upon. My meds are helping me to focus on these ideas, select the best from the lot and then proceed with implementation. There are few things more difficult for a person with ADD symptoms than making consistent, long-term life changes, yet this is what Breggin suggests as the FIRST and PRIMARY step in alleviating the symptoms. I’m not interested in the meds being the catch-all solution for my life (which is what Breggin seems to suggest all ADD patients are doing) but rather using the meds as a tool to help me better my life in ways that I have chosen.

There are good parts of this text however, I really appreciated the extensive sections about withdrawal from the various meds, especially antidepressants. I wish I had access to this information during my first experience going off antidepressants where I basically lost six months of my life because my shrink said that I wouldn’t have any problems and if I did they would go away in a few days. (If anyone is interested in the details of this period, please let me know and I’ll post them here). I do not think that the potential of a difficult withdrawal is a reason not to start taking these meds though…as long as a person decreases their meds (the 10% method is popular) at a very slow rate there should be minimal problems.

-Driven To Distraction: Recognizing and coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from childhood through adulthood by Edward M. Hollowell and John Ratey

Written primarily by a shrink who has ADD himself, this was a very helpful book. If ADD does indeed “exist” then I certainly have it. The examples he gave, case histories from his patients…I continually had moments where I thought “This is EXACTLY like me.” So at the very least, I’m convinced that what is called “ADD” by the medical community is what I have.

-Prozac Backlash by Joseph Glenmullen

The drugs are bad, don’t take them…woo hoo. Nothing too interesting here.

Other things I’ve learned:

-The big drug companies make very little money on the meds that I take because I take a generic version…yes!
-There are few studies about long-term use of the ADD meds in adults.
-Several meds commonly used for ADD in the US are not sold in Canada…I’m not sure why.

Whew.

Feeling Good

2005-01-16T20:34:00.000-05:00

So I’m feeling pretty darn good overall. The nutritionist gave me a ton of information including detailed meal plans with a variety of choices for each meal and snack. It’s pretty easy to follow and not too different from my usual stuff. My intake of protein is higher and my intake of carbs is lower. I’m eating spelt and kamut bread (both of which are excellent) and discovering some other cool new foods as well. Sine I like to cook, this process is pretty enjoyable. I’m not feeling underfed and I’m also limiting my alcohol consumption considerably (three beers total this week…nifty).

The ADD drugs…mixed feelings here. I think they help. When I take them I am certainly more focused and it is more difficult to be distracted. The way I’ve been describing it to people is that it is like the super-fast, ever-changing thoughts in my head are still there, but they are in the background. I can go get them if I want and allow myself to mentally bounce all over the place, but it is MY CHOICE to do this. I’m really pleased about this. I was worried that my thought patterns would totally change, thus somehow making me a very different person and thinker. However, this is not the case and I am happy about it.

The part that I’m not as happy about concerns the other feelings associated with the medication. I sometimes feel like I’ve had a whole lot of caffeine or taken some Sudafed.
(Well, maybe caffeine is not a good example since I’ve never really felt any sort of boost from caffeinated beverages. I’m told this is another sign of ADD, the fact that caffeine makes me feel “normal” and not stimulated means that something is being leveled out and not accentuated.) It is not really a “high” or a “buzz,” but I do feel generally a bit better, more hopeful etc. when I’m on the medication.

I have a tendency to self-sabotage. Part of me believes that I will never feel totally okay and that when I do feel good, there must be some sort of “exceptional” reason for it and that the feeling will not last long and then I’ll feel crappy again. Jen and others believe that this is going on with these meds. I feel better, I’m a better friend, partner etc. when I’m on them, so why not continue? Maybe part of me thinks that I do not deserve to be happy and that could be contributing as well. In any case, for the moment I’ma keep taking the meds periodically (which is how I’ve been directed to take them) and watch for changes, side effects, etc. I’ll keep you posted and thanks for being supportive.

Oh yeah, I met with the shrink again this week and she was pleased with the way things were going. I’ll be seeing her again in two weeks.

A lengthy update

2005-01-11T11:49:00.000-05:00

So I ended up not taking the teaching thing…a number of factors, but it was essentially too little money for too much of a time investment. The school would be a least 60-90 minutes each way on transit, the pay was low etc. The Chair really tried to hook it up so I could teach a few more classes this semester, thus making the situation better, but no luck. Oh well.

Jen and I had a nice few days up north…she really needed the break as she’d been doing intensive paper writing (the papers from last semester we not due until the first week of January) and grading (year long courses for her students, see). It was weird to not have Maggie there with us, but she had a great time with the kittens and pooch at G & G Musial’s place.

Before the trip I had an appointment with my shrink who said something that I have been waiting years to fucking hear, “I believe that you have a form of Adult ADD.” Look, I’ve talked with many of you readers about this, done some research and compared my condition to many people with this…I’ve thought that I had a form of this for a long time. A number of things have contributed to my being misdiagnosed and here are some of them, not nec. in order of importance.

School: Most young people with Add or ADHD have problems doing “well” in school. I did very well in school and this may be the reason I was misdiagnosed. However, I did well in school for two reasons. First, I concentrated on things that did not require quantitative detail (perhaps this is what drew me to music, cultural studies) which the masked my shortcomings in math, lab science etc. Since I was tracked with the “smart kids” from a young age (and therefore encouraged to do more critical, abstract thinking and had my sometimes off-the-wall ideas encouraged instead of squashed), the condition was masked once more. Also, I was never hyperactive physically, just within my head. Finally, I know how to “do school” (thanks to Kathy F. for this phrase) very well. I know what teachers are looking for (we’re talking about high school) and how to play the game…yeah.

The complexity of my condition: My shrink seems to be (and I really hope this is not my own personal arrogance) kind of excited, intrigued about my case. She says that my condition is an unusual combination of depression, anxiety and ADD, (not that this combination is usual, but the way that they influence each other in my case is not the way they influence each other in most people).

A crappy previous shrink: My previous (and the first) shrink I had was crappy.I felt like he was always distracted and not really interested in getting to know me and help me. So, I saw him as little as possible. He was the first one to put me on meds for depression and they didn’t really work so we switched to another one. That seemed (I think) to work better. At that point I was getting ready to start university and would not be able to see him on a regular basis. He then started giving me scripts for my meds on a six-month basis which was great. I didn’t have to see (and pay) him and I had my meds. I saw several psychologists on and off during university but, honestly, I felt that I was too busy and didn’t have the time. Sigh. Anyway, perhaps if I had been seeing good people on a consistent basis I may have been diagnosed earlier.

Willingness to spend money: So last year I was seeing a really great psychologist at the U. where I was working. We met once a week for the whole year and it was productive for sure. I liked her a great deal. About halfway through the year she suggested that I meet with the campus shrink to get tested for Add. However, this would cost between $300-$500 and I didn’t want to spend the money. Also, I was worried about…erm…hmmm…I’m questioning whether or not to talk about this…let’s just say that I was not being billed by the U. for my psychologist appointments and I didn’t want to do anything that might expose that situation. The mental health office was under the impression that I was still a student and thus entitled to the service for free. I never said that I was a student, nor did I ever sign anything indicating that. Not entirely honest, but I justified it to myself because I had been a student there for two years and did not use the service during that period. Right.

So…….I now have some meds that I can take if I want to, pretty much when I feel I need ‘em. I’ve taken then one two different days now and I do not really notice to much of a difference, at least not the sort of super-obvious difference that I was expecting. However, they do seem to make it a bit easier for me to focus. The constant, spastic thoughts in my head are still there and still leaping from one idea to the next. Be they are a bit muted, a bit further in the background. This is very difficult to explain because it is very subtle, but important. So we’ll see. Jen suggested that I try to stop (over)analyzing (especially since that is easier now) and just Be. I think that may be a good idea.

Today I’m going to meet with my nutritionist for your big 90-minute session. This is where I’ll be getting a customized eating plan/schedule/menu…I’m excited. The food shouldn’t be too different from what I normally cook, but I know there will be a few key differences including the introduction of…wait for it…protein shakes. Hmmmmmmm, I’m happy to say that I’ve found an organic, vegan powder that has just as much protein per gram as the whey stuff……..awwwwwwww yeah. It is flax and hemp and a bunch of other good things. How will all of this taste? Nutro-lady assures me she has some rockin’ blends. Good.

2005-01-10T22:31:00.000-05:00

I've set aside some time tommorrow to do a proper blog update...some nifty things so report...nothing major. Wheeeeeeeeeee.

2005-01-05T23:03:00.000-05:00

Been feelin' pretty good the past few days. Went to the Big Carrot today which was great as usual. I'm gogint o be attending a few seminars there alter in the month.

Just got a call from a local college about teaching a class...about computers...how to use computers...starting Tuesday. It seems that someone cancelled on them and I was reccommended. I'm thinking that I'll do it (it's one of those standardized syllabus deals) even though the money is not super great and I'm not a computer wizard (at all...not even close...at all). I think I can handle intro to word and powerpoint though.

Anyway, this is complicated by the fact that I have to let them know tomorrow morning (I got the call this evening) AND that Jen and I are meant to go up north for a few days tomorrow AND we are supposed to have sleet, ice and snow tonite and tomorrow. Wheeeeeeeee.

New Years

2005-01-04T10:05:00.000-05:00

So we spent New Years hanging with some folks on the north side of the city. This was preceeded earleir in the day by some fun times at the LCBO. We went to one just off a major street. It was so busy, and the parking lot was so small, that a cop was actually managing parking. Crazy.

On the train ride back a group of very drunk young people were talking.

Person A- Dude, I knew he was going to leave with her.

Person B- Yeah she's hot...and the food.

Person A- Yeah, she said she had lasangne and 12 pounds of chicken!

The "12 pounds of chicken" became the cornerstone of their conversation for the next thirty minutes. The one guy also asked everyone in the car for rolling papers...and found some...crazy.

Lack of posts...sorry

2004-12-31T10:06:00.000-05:00

More later...back from a relaxing trip to Pennsylvania and a few days with the folks. Going to a party this evening, stuff with Jen's fam tomorrow...really I will be posting more.

Updatin'

2004-12-22T08:32:00.000-05:00

So what's been crackin' as of late you ask? Well...

-I met with the nutritionist on Sunday and it was not overly helpful. If I sign up for one of her packages (read: pay a bunch money) then I can get customized meal plans and all that stuff. I might be up for that (and i think it is a good investment in the long run), but I might try to just some other stuff first. She was big on the idea of protein shakes (as a part of the whole small-meals-every-four-hours thing) and that would also be fine but I'm not sure that I'm excited about whey-based food several times a day (since I am slowly moving in a vegan direction). I hear tell that there are rice and soy based protein powders so that may be an alternative.

-We had a friend from BG (who is also Canadian and now lives in Toronto) over for dinner last night. We ordered from The Curryer (where Jen's sister is the head chef) and had a good time.

-I've found a few really great jobs and have been busting my ass to perfect the best cover letters and resumes ever. I've changed a few things and would be pleased if one of these positions works out.

-Jen and I will be going to Pennsylvania to visit my folks for a few days starting on Saturday. That will be nice.

2004-12-22T08:06:00.000-05:00

I've said it before but...I love The Big Carrot. Jen and I went yesterday to have lunch, stock up on some general groceries and talk to the folks at the herbal dispensary. I talked with a naturopathic doctor for a while about a whole bunch of different health things and he had some good things to say. I picked up some Vitimin B complex capsules (vegetarian!) which are supposed to help with a whole lot of shit. Excellent.

This Is Where It Begins

2004-12-18T01:23:00.000-05:00

On Saturday...here we go.

My appt. with the new shrink was good. She's suggested that I put the meds back up (over a several week period) and she's interested in taking me on as a regualr client. I like her and I think she can help with my therapy and recovery (?) . And...this is all free thanks to Ontario health insurance...I know I pay taxes for this stuff but the feeling is still pretty amazing, especially since I had to make three visits worth of meds last for a whole year as a vista. Okay, that is a bit of an exaggeration since I had a stockpile from the past but you get the idea I'm, sure. Right, so here we go...I'm excited, nervous and anxious.

Another big change is on (and I know many of you won't believe this)...I'm a'gonna be cuttin' down on the boozin'. The glassware, the presentation, the garnishes...all of it. This is not nec. a "forever" change, nor does it mean that I'm cutting out adult beverages altogether, but for now it is the right thing to do. I'm not "happy" about this (as you can imagine) but it is an initiative put forth by me, for me, and for the time being, it's what I will be doing. The shrink didn't bring this up, but it is what I think I need to do for right now. Look, I'll still have a brew or two with the clan on X-mas (or the day after depending on drive/arrival time) but changes will be made..and I know that y'all are in my corner. Darn tootin'.

So let's be shootin' for 15 pounds less, but (more importantly) a more happy, satisfied, gracious and effective M-dog this time next year. Awwwwwwwwwwwww yeah!

2004-12-15T21:28:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah...I'm not sure that I've mentioned this before...I really love The Polyphonic Spree.

No worries...pretty much

2004-12-15T21:23:00.000-05:00

So the doctor stuff turned out to be high cholesterol which is what I expected. This runs in my family and since I already eat a low-cholesterol diet and exercise a good bit it looks like I may need some of them there drugs. They've worked wonders for my dad and other memebrs of my family...the doctor said that we'll do another test in six months and then make a decision. So, no big deal which is a good thing.

Shopping...I hate shopping. It took damn near the whole day and I didn't even get everything I was looking for...blah. Oh well.

Sunshine two days in a row!!!

Some News

2004-12-13T22:37:00.000-05:00

Today my cousin was informed that he has now been assigned to a differnt unit...one that just RETURNED from Iraq instead of one GOING to Iraq. This is excellent news. While his new unit will prob. return to Iraq it will be at least six months before this happens...much later than the January departure date he was expecting...

I went for a physical last Friday ('cause my provincial insurance has kicked in now!) and had blood and urine tests among other things...today I got a message to set up an appointment to discuss the results...I'm a bit worried? What is there to discuss? I'm hoping that it is something like high cholesterol or low iron (both common in my family) and not something more serious...I mean gee wiz, I feel pretty good physically...so we'll see.

Wish me luck as I do holiday shopping tomorrow...ugh.

2004-12-10T09:26:00.000-05:00

R.I.P. Dimebag Darrell

2004-12-07T09:59:00.000-05:00

So I didn't sleep much last night...just happens sometimes, but now I'm tired and I have to get up super extra early tomorrow. Ick.

Some folks have asked about how things are going as far as worrying less, eating better etc. The eating is pretty good and I have a free (!) consultation with a nutritionist at the gym next week...pretty cool says me.

The worrying however...it just won't stop and I think that in some ways it might even be more problematic now due to the weather, my lack of regular employment and such. I just can't stop owrrying about every little aspect of everything all the time. I can't "just let go," "just relax" or anything else like that. It's not something that I can really explain, but I really believe (after much thought and worry...heh) that reducing the amount of worry in my life would be the most significant, positive and important change I could make. I've never lived that way though, so the though of letting that go is a bit scary, but at this point I'm prepared to put that aside. I just cannot feel like this anymore, cannot live like this anymore. If I could worry less, be less paralyzed by it, I could be a better partner, better activist, better person, better worker. So, what to do?

Step #1: I think that I need to either (a) return to my former dosage of medication or (b) get some different medication. I could write volumes about this decision, the pros and cons, being controlled by drug companies, using the masters tools, etc etc etc...but this is what I need to do for me right now. My Canadian medical coverage begins later this week and I've set up an appointment with a shrink for next week. I would have had to do this anyway since I'm just about out of meds, even taking into account the reduced dosage I'm on now, but I want to talk seriously about changing some things. We'll see. I have a lot of ideas and I need to feel better. Darn tootin'.

Step #2: I'm not sure.

2004-12-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

Another grey, dark, damp day. Jen is gone until late this evening.

I'm finishing up my lesson plan for tomorrow, applying for more jobs...sounds a lot like yesterday.

Random Life Regret: I wish I had attended a very different sort of university...a place like Oberlin or Warren Wilson.

Ugh

2004-12-06T09:39:00.000-05:00

Snowing and windy this morning...it's the sort of snow that results in loads o' accidents on the roads...I certainly won't be going anywhere until later today.

Gotta finalize my lesson plan for Wednesday and fill out some more job applications...holiday shopping to do as well but I don't think I can deal with stores and malls today...even if the roads clear up.

Dinner

2004-12-04T22:49:00.000-05:00

So tonite Canadian R-dog (as opposed to Polish R-dog) came over for dinner. I made a bunch of cool things including:

-My crunchy spinach salad with cashews and aged balsamic vinager

-A jalapeno, smoked cheddar corn bread

-Veggie chili with a bunch of stuff in it

Delicious...NY cheesecake and Yatzee followed...good stuff.

This next week is actually a bit busy with my guest lecture, a number of job applications due and social events next Friday and Sunday.

2004-12-03T11:26:00.000-05:00

Once the audience is gone, the desire to tell the story evaporates.

2004-12-01T11:58:00.000-05:00

So Jen is going to be away for most of the day and evening with meetings and classes. I miss her when we are not together. I think I'm going to run for a long time today...and then have a nap. Yeah.

DMX

2004-12-01T11:20:00.000-05:00

"I'm slippin'
I'm fallin'
I can't get up
Get back on my feat so I can tear shit up."

Dog Blog

2004-11-28T14:26:00.000-05:00

Our dog maggie now has a blog called "Dog Blog." Check it out at http://maggiesdogblog.blogspot.com

Representin'

2004-11-28T13:58:00.000-05:00

I continue to find incredible inspiration from the folks protesting the Ukranian election. Hundreds of thousands of people in Kiev for nearly a week with little to no violence...that shit would nevr happen in the US. Lots of people protesting here in Toronto as well...no violence and a really great vibe.

I will not be going to Ottawa for G.W. Shithead's visit on Tuesday. I would like to go, but I'm concerned about my self control. Peaceful protests are fine, but when cops start pulling bullshit...I don't deal with that very well. Look, I've not hit anyone since I was a child but if a police officer attacked one of my friends...yeah. Now, I'm not proud of this personality trait and I really want to get the point where I could be in that sort of situaiton and act with a controlled/clear head...I'm just not there yet. I'll get there though...I think.

Tunes

2004-11-28T12:51:00.000-05:00

Listening to...lots of Opeth and Tool. The Coheed CD has been in the car for weeks.

Bam bam bam

2004-11-28T12:46:00.000-05:00

Helped some people move yesterday...18 stairs from street to apartment...a bit sore today. Zza and boozin' after was nice.

Having some people over for dinner a few times in the coming weeks...menu planning must begin soon!

Doing a one-off lecture/class at a high school in Brampton in a few weeks...looking forward to it for sure...the cheque will be helpful as well.

Sunday night = food network canada for me.

Busy time of year for Jen. Lots of school-related social events as well as the end-of-semester workload.

Maggie went nuts with her bebo last night...a sight it was.

Tunes

2004-11-24T19:29:00.000-05:00

So it looks like the idea of "Canadian Capers" has been around for a while. Pretty awful lyrics...yup.

Elections in the Ukraine

2004-11-23T23:44:00.000-05:00

So this shit is a pretty big deal around here. We live in a neighborhood with the highest percentage of Ukrainian immigrants anywhere in Canada, so you can imagine how things are right now. My gym is right down the street from the Ukranian Consulate in Canada, and there have been protests for the past few days including yelling, fist shaking and some poster boards that almost (almost) make me blush.

I'm no expert, but I do know what it is like to have an election stolen from the people, and I'm inclined (after researching this stuff for most of today) to crew up with the folks that feel that the powers that be are ganking the election. So if you're like me, you'll have some orange on your body tomorrow (Wednesday).

Transition to far less important matters...

On a totally different note, has anyone else watched the TV program about the bounty hunter named "Dog"...good lord that show is great.

Finally, the holiday letters will be coming out soon...if I don't have your snail mail address you will not be getting one so if there is any doubt...email me, yo...and that includes any and all anoymous readers who would like to catch up on the past year...yup.

2004-11-19T23:48:00.000-05:00

The L.C.B.O. is offering some interesting Belgian beers for the "holiday" season. These are pretty much never to be found in the USA so I'm excited to give 'em a try. The one I had this evening was far to sweet (hey, Dutch translatin' S-dog, I should get a list of your favorites and see if they have 'em here), but I'm hopeful for others!!

2004-11-19T23:44:00.000-05:00

So tomorrow Jen and I are going to a party for the folks at “The Big Carrot.” It is a food co-op that has been around for 21 years…okay, so it is not really a party, more like an open house, but there are free vegan eats and it is in a part of town that will be new to me…wheeeeeeeeeee.

I’d like to say (once again) that I’m not sure how I would get through this life without Jen. She is such a wonderful, kind, loving and beautiful person…I’m so lucky to be in her life.

So, there is this bad-ass MP who got kicked out of the liberal party for her comments about G.W. and the leadership of her party. Carolyn Parrish is her name (there are much better links elsewhere I’m sure) and she is grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!!!

Poker

2004-11-19T01:28:00.000-05:00

All,

Look, I can make some money from poker right...but it is boring as hell and I really, really, really don't want to do it anymore. So (and T-dog I know that it sounds cool for me to say I'm a professional poker player, but it is just not where I need to be right now) I'm officially ending my time as a poker player...a sad thing maybe, but the right thing for sure. I'm ending on a good note and that is what it is all about.

Awwwwwwwwww yeah,
Matthew

P.S. OHIP will be kicking in soon and I'll get to go to the doctor for a physical and the dentist for a cleaning and...it is all "free." (paid for by taxes, but saying it is free is still pretty bad ass)!!!

Back

2004-11-14T10:56:00.000-05:00

Yeah, sorry about the lack of posts. No good reason for it. Some recent highlights:

-Had a good run yesterday. Lots of sunshine with more to come.

-Went to dinner with a bunch of Jen’s friends on Friday. Food was kind of lame but the conversation was good.

-Applying for some cool jobs, hoping to get one.

I’d like to thank everyone that emailed me in response to my posts about trying to live a more healthy life…I really appreciate the support and y’all are great folks.

Wu-Tang Forever

2004-11-13T23:12:00.000-05:00

R.I.P. O.D.B.

Clarification time

2004-11-07T10:39:00.000-05:00

Right, so a few of you have emailed me and are really worried about my previous post. I'm not talking about making any drastic changes to my life, but I would like to make better choices about what I put into my body (which may mean becoming vegan, but certainly means eating less procesed food and reducing my consumption of chemical-laden beverages). I'd like to have a more consistant exercise routine (which may mean a few sessions with a professional to plan a program and certainly means getting some running shoes that are not falling apart). Most of all though...I need to stop worrying about everything all of the time. This is the most difficult challenge and one that I'm not really sure how to approach. My constant critique of every little aspect of everything I do and everything in general needs to level off a bit.

So hey no worries, I'm not going to eat only fruit soup after running 50 miles a day while never communicating with anyone...just gotta fix a few things up...awwwwwwwww yeah.

Pull The Trigger And The Nightmare Stops

2004-11-07T00:36:00.000-05:00

Right, so the afternoon of Sunday November 7, 2004 marks a transition for me. I'm going to dedicate myself to living a healthier life...I'm not really sure (well, totally sure anyway) about how to do it, but I do know that I'm going to need the support of y'all. So here is the deal...if you are interested in helping me with this, please email or call me to tell me that...if you don't have that contact info...post a comment to the blog w/ your email and I'll get you in the loop. To be honest, I'm pretty fucking scared about this, but I need to make a change...or do I?...so hard to know.

Everyone should read this article

2004-11-05T12:17:00.000-05:00

This is the most powerful summary of Bush and his ideology that I've found...if you don't want to read the whole thing (but please, please please try to take the time to do it), here is an especially good bit.

"The New York Times Magazine this past weekend (the weekend before the election) featured an article by Ron Suskind about President Bush's faith. Not just Bush's religious faith. His faith in everything, his faith in himself, his faith in God, his faith in his "gut". His faith as policy.
"He truly believes he's on a mission from God. Absolute faith like that overwhelms a need for analysis. The whole thing about faith is to believe things for which there is no empirical evidence", Bruce Bartlett, a Reagan advisor and former treasury official told Suskind.

Suskind continues pounding the theme in page after page, eventually defining Bush's antithesis through the words of a Bush aide speaking about Suskind's criticisms of the Bush Administration. Suskind writes:

The aide said that guys like me were ''in what we call the reality-based community,'' which he defined as people who ''believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality.'' I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. ''That's not the way the world really works anymore,'' he continued. ''We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.''"
http://www.warblogging.com/archives/000935.php

Orders

2004-11-04T14:27:00.000-05:00

So my cousin is being sent to Iraq. He graduated from The U.S. Military Academy last spring.

Look, my family is not as left-leaning as I am, but it was still quite a shock to all of us when my cousin chose to attend West Point. He made this decision during the last days of the Clinton presidency at a time when there was no indication that there would be any significant military conflicts—certainly not like Iraq—in the near future. He liked the academics (the school is in the top ten nationally) and it was free. So off he went. This turned out to be, in my estimation, a bad choice.

I like my cousin and I think he’s a good guy, but I can’t really visualize a 22-year-old “kid” leading troops in the most unnecessary, most bungled military operation of recent times. I hope he comes back without any physical, mental or emotional trauma…I’m not sure this is possible. A win for Kerry might have meant that my cousin would not have been sent to Iraq.

I don’t know what to say except that I’m feeling very conflicted about all of this.

In other news, I applied for my provincial health insurance a few days ago. It does not start until December (three months after landing) but I’ll have the official card by then. Hooray! I’m looking forward to not freaking out about the possibility of breaking my leg without coverage…great.

Dark, cold and pouring down rain today…maybe I’ll go the gym and run until I fall over.

Highlights of November 3, 2004

2004-11-04T01:53:00.000-05:00

1. Bush wins

2 My cousin is being deployed to Iraq in January.

3. Maggie bit my nose and I'm currently bleeding.

Okay...maybe #3 was partially my fault...not really.

Here's hoping for a better day on 11/04/04.